See.Try.Eat: Sweet Blueberry Biscuits

See.Try.Eat: Sweet Blueberry Biscuits: I cannot say enough about these biscuits. The first time I made them was a huge experiment, but they turned out so good and got rave reviews...

I almost hate love.

   Don't misunderstand I love good love. I love children and spring time. I love a thunderstorm and getting caught in the rain. 

I love my friends and even some of my enemies. 

I hate when love blooms deep in my heart. It scares me half to death. 

I want to run toward it I think I must smother it I must have it. 

Then I think I am insane I cant do this! This is insanity!!

 

I know I will get tired of this person or they will tire of me. 

This never ends well. 

I lose my mind and fly through the tree tops, I run naked into the lake. 

I totally let loose and become the wild woman of my inner self. 

 I have no balance I have to give it all I have. I don't love half way. 

 

 I was in a prison of loveless walls, before I spent 8 years in that box. 

I dreamed out loud in my mind. My only life was in my mind. I was reckless in my dreams. 

I counted the minutes when he touched me. 

It would only last a certain amount of time. I knew he roamed so why did he keep me here? 

I seen the lover of my mind, sometimes 

He always found me. He cared not I had married the fool . Who was the fool? Perhaps me. 

He found me again , and my dreams and thoughts and my mind was consumed with him. 

I wanted him more than I did when I was in his arms. 

I almost escaped, my lover would call and I would talk discreetly on the phone, I would be afraid and no one there. 

The fool who held the keys, would drop me off so he could roam in the drug addled world of lies. I would call. 

 I think the lover of my mind was the only thing that carried me through those 8 years. 

My child threatened to  commit suicide  during this time. 

That shook me to my core. 

I had to put my dreams down and turn away. 

I looked to the fool to sustain me. 

This took me deeper into the madness. 

I lost my my biggest supporter while in this darkness. 

My grandpa. 

I missed his funeral. 

I still miss him. 

I loved him. 

That was good love. 

My child is good love. 

All my children ,all my good love, made it out out of the darkness. 

My secret love survives . 

I am kicking off this afraid persona I BEEN FEARFUL TOO LONG. 

I escaped that hell 12 years ago. 

I am going to love not in secret anymore.

I  am going to be happy and love life and really try to love , LOVE

wonder and sadness of spring

Spring is full of wonder and sadness for me. I lost my father in the spring.
 She buried him in a green sports jacket.
I never forget.

 I love the renewal of the earth after a long cold winter.
I enjoy planting flowers and watching a garden grow.

It makes me sad to have to be inside for work.
I am older now and move a little slower but the the joy is the same.
Yesteryear I would be dipping my toes in the creek, trying to rush the heat.
This year I hope to make make it before fall.

My fantasy vs Real life

 I have family coming in for Christmas. I live in the old home place, so everyone wants to come. 

I love it , I love being the hostess. I love my family. I love Christmas. 

I can see the smoke coming out of the stack and the smell of a fire on the cold brisk air. I see my grandchildren jumping on the trampoline and running with a new puppy out front. I picture poinesettas on potted on the front porch. Homemade goodies plated on the bar. Is that a mistle toe hanging on the porch?? 

Wrapped gifts under the tree, the tree sparkling with christmas cheer. 

Well thats not how it is .... 

I have the all the trappings, I just dont have my ducks in a row. I havent got a present wrapped. I havent baked one single goodie. the yard is ankle deep in leaves. I havent a new puppy but I do have 4 chicken and a tomcat. I have a kooky little kitty who thinks he is a chicken. I have 2 goats who want to be human.

 I am short one new playful puppy. 

But regardless they are coming. How long till Christmas??? 

Big Plans I tell ya.

I have big plans, I plan to travel and see things I haven't seen. This is a favorite past time of mine to plan to travel. I love history and traveling to historical places is so much fun for me.
   I am not great at finding a partner to enjoy it with me. I  enjoy it by my self. It blows my mind that not everyone is enthralled by history. 

  I have more big plans, I plan to be the best modern homesteader in my neck of the woods. I am going to raise vegetables and livestock. I am going to live off the bounty of the land.I am going to can and freeze my harvest. I am going to sew and mend.
 I am going to really explore my love of cooking. I have always loved to cook.
I plan on making new stews and awesome pies and cakes from scratch. I am going to have fresh bread all the time. People will want to eat my delicious food.  
  I am going to keep my night job and save money. I am going frugal. People will wonder how I save so much. I plan to become an extreme coupon- er too. 
 I will march into the stores and buy countless items ring up the total to 327.60 , after my coupons I will only pay 1.34. Then I will sweep out in a elegant fashion and return to my homestead. 

  I have loads of plans. I am a reader so I need to tackle all those masterpieces I have missed out on. I will read Thomas Wolfe and Hemingway. 

  I plan to keep the house spotless. I plan to buy the best Christmas presents. I will shop for just the right one. 

 I plan to go to more meetings. I need to socialize more. Oh I need to call my mom, and my sister. I need to talk with my kids. I need to listen to my grand kids laugh. 
  I think I need to plan a bon fire, I need to plan a picnic for the entire family. So much to do. 

I have big plans. I am happy with my plans. I may never get half or even a thrid done. In fact I am tired, let me rest before I get busy. 
   

Every one wants to be heard

Does every one think their life story needs to be told? I have thought for many years my story needed to be told. 
 When I was in my twenties I wanted to write my great novel, I was sure it would be a best seller. I had unique and unusual things to happen to me. 
  I never got to it, writing a few pages at a time. 
When I was in my forty's I began a journey of recovery, one of the first things my sponsor told me was to write my life story. I thought here it is my chance, I felt instantly like I will write the most amazing story you have ever heard!  
  I don't think I blew anyone away. I think I realize that I am just  another human who struggles. We all struggle, we all have issues. I think we all have unique things happen to us. 
   Yeah I bet allot of us want to tell our personal story to someone at sometime. 
 Sometimes I wish I hadn't told someone part of my story when our paths split. I look back and feel like they got part of me they didn't deserve. 

  There is so many reality shows, poor folks, country folks, crazy people are popular on reality TV  I wonder if they know we are laughing at them and not with them. Do they care?? 
 One of my siblings told me if anyone ever asks me to go on a reality show, I am going to say no! Because I know they will make fun of me. 
Poor Honey Boo-Boo, how will she feel when she grows up?? 
I hope she will be embarrassed a little bit. 
  I think this comes down to people wanting to tell their story.  
  
  I found an elementary teacher on Facebook couple years back. Mr. B was a memorable teacher of mine. I really learned allot in his class and I was pleased when he remembered me. We talked on the phone and he told me about going back to school for his masters and how he was a college dean now. 
  When it came time for me to tell my story, I told the truth , hit the high lights. I wanted to convey that I made it, I lived through some hard times but I came out on top. I don't think he agreed with me. I like the statement " Don't judge me because I sin different than you" . Maybe don't judge me because I am not as polished as you, I may be doing great to just be standing. We cant all be Thomas Jefferson or JFK. We all can ring the hallowed bells of history. 
  Some of us touch a much smaller pool of people, Some of us pass away way too soon. Some of us raise some awesome children. Some of us live a very quiet life and love deeply. 
  Some of us make huge mistakes in our life and spend years trying to forgive our selves and move on. 
 Sometimes we are wonderful people who are born below the poverty line and never ever escape. 
  Not to be pitied , just to be understood.
 We all want to be heard. 

   

Stable ? me? lol

You should come to Green Bay!
Who ? me?
Yeah you! I am going to get a job on a dairy farm and save up get my own place and I want you to come see me.
No!
Why?
Cause I dont want to go that far north! I am staying right here where I am . I love my home, my job, my life.
 Your just going to sit in Louisiana and rot!
Ok fine! have fun in Green Bay.
click the phone off.
  
 

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