Let me tell you.....

I almost hate love.

   Don't misunderstand I love good love. I love children and spring time. I love a thunderstorm and getting caught in the rain. 

I love my friends and even some of my enemies. 

I hate when love blooms deep in my heart. It scares me half to death. 

I want to run toward it I think I must smother it I must have it. 

Then I think I am insane I cant do this! This is insanity!!

 

I know I will get tired of this person or they will tire of me. 

This never ends well. 

I lose my mind and fly through the tree tops, I run naked into the lake. 

I totally let loose and become the wild woman of my inner self. 

 I have no balance I have to give it all I have. I don't love half way. 

 

 I was in a prison of loveless walls, before I spent 8 years in that box. 

I dreamed out loud in my mind. My only life was in my mind. I was reckless in my dreams. 

I counted the minutes when he touched me. 

It would only last a certain amount of time. I knew he roamed so why did he keep me here? 

I seen the lover of my mind, sometimes 

He always found me. He cared not I had married the fool . Who was the fool? Perhaps me. 

He found me again , and my dreams and thoughts and my mind was consumed with him. 

I wanted him more than I did when I was in his arms. 

I almost escaped, my lover would call and I would talk discreetly on the phone, I would be afraid and no one there. 

The fool who held the keys, would drop me off so he could roam in the drug addled world of lies. I would call. 

 I think the lover of my mind was the only thing that carried me through those 8 years. 

My child threatened to  commit suicide  during this time. 

That shook me to my core. 

I had to put my dreams down and turn away. 

I looked to the fool to sustain me. 

This took me deeper into the madness. 

I lost my my biggest supporter while in this darkness. 

My grandpa. 

I missed his funeral. 

I still miss him. 

I loved him. 

That was good love. 

My child is good love. 

All my children ,all my good love, made it out out of the darkness. 

My secret love survives . 

I am kicking off this afraid persona I BEEN FEARFUL TOO LONG. 

I escaped that hell 12 years ago. 

I am going to love not in secret anymore.

I  am going to be happy and love life and really try to love , LOVE